A bell rings summoning me to the operation theater as a guide to an upcoming surgeon. I went down the memory lane and saw a reflection of the past, when I was scared to death as an upcoming surgeon just like him. I pulled a knife stabbed in a man’s chest by his own friend to recover money because the stock market crashed. The knife was dripping with blood. The case was miles away from a well equipped hospital. Time was ticking away bringing him closer to death with each passing second. He had to be operated there and then. I tried to save his life with all the panache, the patient died. “Why did u do it” she said softly to me, his mother knew that I was the operating surgeon. I just gaped and doubted my credibility as a surgeon. Do no harm we surgeon pledge to live with this oath but harm happens and then guilt happens, guilt never goes anywhere on its own it’s a monster it brings its friends, doubt and insecurity. I am not pusillanimous I stayed after my first failure I overcome the guilt and saved lives. I can’t think of a single reason why I want to be a surgeon but I can think of thousand reasons why I should quit? My mother a doctor herself once asked me why I enrolled myself for medical. I could have been a mountaineer and climb those snow capped mountains or a fashion designer as I always had a fashion fever. I had found the answer when I saw her performing a running whip stitch on a heart and I realized I wanted to be in her shoes. As a surgeon I see both sides of life a side with smiles of successful surgery on the faces of patients and on the other side tears of death, god’s destiny.
They make it hard on purpose there are lives in our hands their comes a moment when it is more than just a game I could quit but here’s the thing I love to be in the playing field. As a surgeon winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing because if you lose you lose a life. My student won his first independent case. My eyes misted with tears of joy for the young doctor and the patient. There are no guarantees in life not for the present nor for the future life is a surgeon and living every minute of it.
