Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What's on your mind?

I can proudly say that I am a product of ‘The 90’s’. I grew up in an era of rugged jeans, short length t-shirts, one night stands, ipod’s, itouch, orkut, twitter and Facebook.

Nothing is private and personal, not even your thoughts, because the moment you log in, you are asked to speak out your mind.
Easy accessibility to net let you carry your world with you.

Sitting on a pot and taking a dump, “What’s on my mind? - I shouldn’t have had that kofta last night...ufff.....here it comes.....Boom Boom Boom!!!”

There was a time when I use to send friend requests to far off places or people, my school friends, college friends, people at work, people I have met only once and even to people I have never met (sexy chicks with minimal clothing in their profile pics). The race to have more facebook friends was in gear. There was no stopping me. The number of your facebook friends was directly proportional to your popularity status.
Today I spend an equal amount of time, not to send new friend requests but to hide friends from my facebook wall. Am I not social anymore? Or have I started making faceenemies(my bad)?

I am amazed by our (humans) ability to misuse everything. What absolute drivel, facebook status has become today. This amazing man (marc Zuckerberg) gave us a platform to speak our mind, to share our thoughts with the world out there, with people sitting miles apart and connect with everybody in real time on a single wall. But after all we are only humans who can’t keep anything sacred for that long and thus starts the abasement of “What’s on your mind”?

Writing a facebook status is no rocket science. A 7 year old can do it. But is it a job well done? Once you type in those words, your thoughts will travel faster than the speed of light and will show up on the screen of hundred’s as notification on their mobile, ipad, iphones, blackberry, and before you know it, the damage is done.

Past couple of nights out of sheer boredom I took a closer look at all my friend’s facebook statuses. With a bachelor’s degree in electronics, I couldn’t decipher the cryptic language in quiet a few. Even Robert Langdon would jump off a cliff looking at such divine cryptography. So without further ado let’s see, what kind of facebook status abuser you actually are.

The Musician:

They are those who will flood you Facebook wall with lyrics of every song they listen to. Music is my bridge to terabithia. Sometimes the lyrics are so inspirational, that you have to share it with the rest of the world. But why the hell would people put “Sheela ki jawani”, “Munni Badnam hui”, “Tujhe dekha to ye jaana sanam” as their facebook status. It’s way over my head.

Avoid this as your facebook status: “pyaar tumhe kitna karte hain.....tum yeh samajh nahi paoge,,,,jab hum naa honge toh pihrwa,,,,bolo kya tab aaoge..............mora saiiyaan moh se bole naaa..........”

The Day Queen and King:

We don’t want to know how proud a mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, boyfriend, girl friend, son or daughter you really are. So putting up status like below is a social disaster.

Avoid this as your facebook status :  3yrs old: "Mommy, I love you". 10 yrs old: "Mom whatever!" 16 yrs old:"My mom is so annoying"! 18 yrs old: "I wanna leave this house". 25 yrs old:"Mom, you were right". 30 yrs old: "I wanna go back to my Mom's house". 50 yrs old: "I don't wanna lose my Mom". 70 yrs old: "I would ...give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me". You only have 1 Mom. Post this on your wall if you appreciate & love your mom.

I love my mother and the first thing I did after reading this status was give my mom a Big hug as I don’t need a facebook status to tell her how much I care.

The World is a happy place kind:

In 18th century Alexander Bain invented clock. What we don’t need is a facebook status telling us if it is “good morning”, “good evening”, or if it is time to hit the pillow. Why do you have to tell half the world about it, unless you are telling us, whom you are sleeping with today!

The “Who is john galt?” type:

I feel like going on a killing spree after reading their facebook status.
  1. "Don’t ask me how I am feeling today, cause I won’t be able to lie.” “I have been broken in the mirror for so long.”   
  2. “Riding on a wave of self-loathing. If only you could understand.  None of you ever will”
  3. Aaj mere yaar ki shaadi hai :) .........   
  4. Unable to understand what this anxiety is for........... ~ anxiety is over the broken condom? (if only I could comment)   
  5. its too late to apologize...its too late  ~ why would i apologize, you were  horrible in bed so i broke up with you, get over it! 
  6. hardest monday morning ever! ~ honey it’s called morning wood.

And the Oscar does to: m loving it................. :) :) :) ~  The blow job you gave me yesterday.

Etymologically imbalanced:

They are the short and simple kind. They will write just one word in their status. Rest will follow in comments. Some examples are as follow:
          1.       “Car”
          2.       Hatred!!!
          3.       Sky
          4.       Sex

It feels like I am in kindergarten again, A for “Apple”, B for “Boy”, F for “Your facebook status sucks.”

Originality Crisis:

Hollywood is suffering from it, bollywood is suffering from it, sharukh khan is suffering from it, and so are you. Be original, it’s not that hard. Close your eyes and think, think for 60 seconds and I am sure you will come up with an original facebook status to put on your wall. Be original because it says “what’s on your mind?” and not “What’s on status shuffle?”.


The next time you feel like showing patriotism show it on the streets, instead of a facebook page. How can “Happy republic day” be on someone’s mind?

The Ugly Cupid:

They are the Grinch who stole Valentine’s day.

Avoid this as your facebook status: “”You” is everything i needed........(your girlfriend name goes here)”

Mood Singer:

What the hell are you smoking out there? Get a grip.
Avoid this as your facebook status:
      1.       Irritated.....Frustated.....Need a Break.
      2.       Nostalgic.
      3.       I miss you.

They didn’t know:

I can’t blame them, it’s not their fault, they didn’t know about cricinfo. Updating their status every other second, so their friends who have no access to television, radio, or like them haven’t heard about cricnfo, can know the score.

My Life sucks type:

“Confused.....Don’t know where this road leads!!”  , well looking at the status , this road will lead you straight to the ‘facebook lame status’  hall of fame. World is despicable, cruel place to be in, if you want to survive, show how confident and full of life you are and not how insecure, confused, sad, pathetic you really are. If you are feeling that way, pick up your phone, no silly, not to update your facebook status but to call your best friend (jumsumtak is on my speed dial).

Trying to pull the Mubarak:

Dis is time to bring about d revolution-india against corruption...long live india”  
~ are you trying to pull off what i think it is!!!

The 21st century Mother Teresa:

This status is close to my heart, not because this comes from my high school sweetheart, but this girl never cared about physically challenged people. Facebook can change people.

Avoid this as your facebook status:
 Physically challenged children are not sick or gross. They only want what we all want, to be accepted. Can I make a request? Is anyone willing to post this and leave it on your status for at least an hour. It is Special Education Week and this is in honor of ALL children made in a ...Unique way

The Blah!
They are beautiful people, not everyone can surmise all they want to say in just three words:

“Blah Blah Blah”

Why on earth you want us to know?
  1. “Feeling so lite nd relieved after talking to papa.... :)”  ~ Releasing gas would have done the trick 
  2. screwed up!  ~ aage se ya peeche se.
Can someone explain!

Fools and fanatics are always certain of themselves, but wiser people are full of doubts

Fake orgasms, not Facebook Status:

You may not be the creative one among your friends, but be wiser. Even if you are doing a copy paste, don’t make it so obvious. Do go through the below status message because they might have end up on your wall sometime.  
  1.   Life is more strict than a teacher, A teacher teaches a lesson and takes an exam But life     takes an exam and then teaches a lesson... ~ is it a tongue twister.
  2. The reason why men were made before women is because they had to make a rough draft before perfection.
  3.  Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you LEAN ... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
  4. It's not that I hate you...Put it this way if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

A mashup looks good in songs, culture but not in language and certainly not in Facebook status.

Gota head back to Gurgaon tomrw.......yaar office kyu banaya hai logo ne.....ghar par baith kar kaam 
nahi ho sakta kya ......................~ I checked 7 dictonaries but couldn’t find Gota, is it Arabic?

I fell asleep, somewhere between the 3rd and the 4th line:

Dear God,
Please give me strength to pay my Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty, Customs Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, Property Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Professional Tax, Road Tax, STT, Education Cess, Wealth Tax, TOT, Capital Gain Tax, Congestion Levy etc etc etc. And don’t forget Donations, Bribes, Chanda etc. If I have some money left after that I will do business.
Sincerely, an India
~ Bravo

A salute:

Accolades to my two friends: jumsumtak and my friend from far west, as they fall in the category: “Something right is on their mind!”

After going through the list, I realized I am the king of status abuser, so who am i to judge others because the moment we accept the Friend request, we do so in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love, to cherish till something better than facebook do us apart. 


gaurav said...

good and genuine description about almost every type esp. "The Day Queen and King" , "Originality Crisis","Patriotic" and the most common one "Hinglish"...
very well written

Keep writing
all the best :)

kabadi_walla said...

couldn't resist, but here is another master blaster facebook status:

"Happy WEDDING ANIVERSARY to SHIV uncle nd PARVATI aunty...


Somebody Save me......

Mitav said...

Very impressive,full of content and cogency,keeps a reader engrossed.Good going Bhanuj,your blogs are getting better and better,and thanks for catching the "Mash Up" (:D),I just realized how lame we often get when typing words in that "What's on your mind" column.By the way, "Gota" has a meaning in Swedish ,in case you want to look at the 8th dictionary (lol),though the context is irrelevant.
Keep Blogging.